Drugs and laptop leads

Obviously I have heard of jetlag many times over the years but this is my first experience of it. I got up early yesterday morning, had breakfast and posted the previous blog that you have read. I was ready for a full and eventful day. I had finished posting the blog about 10.30am and went back to my room to prepare for my expedition through the streets of Chiang Mai.

I either passed out or fell through a worm-hole because suddenly I was lying on the bed and it was 3.00pm. I jumped out of the bed in much the same way a slush puppy exits an up ended cup. Lots of water and a cigarette later I felt incredibly not much better. It is so strange when the brain is more awake than the body. My brain told me to get my act together and get to the shops to find a lead for the laptop and get enough anti-malarial tablets to cover the four weeks in the hills where I will be doing the training course. My body said nothing; it just smiled at me in a fuzzy sort of way.

Taking the hint I decided to chill for a while. I sat out in the corridor with a bottle of water and an English grammar book (swot!). It is a funky, 'windswept and groovy' sort of corridor with tiny lizards running up and down the walls. My room is at one end of the corridor with an open window looking out onto the back gardens of the adjacent shops. Beside a bench there is a bookshelf holding, funnily enough, books. Some are in English, some in French, others in German. There is a large painting depicting one of Chiang Mai's numerous Wats (monasteries). There are two large potted plants and a mirror. The centre piece of this ensemble is an old barber or dentist chair. The kind you would expect the barber of Seville or Sweeney Todd to use.

My brain and I sat on the bench waiting for my body to catch up with us when two girls appeared from the room next to mine. We nodded hello to each other and after some small chat discovered that we were all going to do the same course. They had arrived from Korea the previous evening and were going out sight-seeing. I said I would see them later.

One cold shower and a change of clothes later I set off to find drugs and laptop leads. Being my second day I was more attuned to what was going on around me as I walked along by the moat that surrounds the inner part of the city. The traffic is relentless and you take your life in your hands anytime you cross the street. Pedestrian crossings are few and far between. When I actually used one it made no difference to the drivers. Although the green man was showing I crossed the road in much the same way as that old video game 'Frogger'. The traffic simply did not stop.

The traffic deserves a paragraph to itself. There are mini trucks, cars, bicycles, motorbikes, scooters and tuk-tuks. The guys in the tuk-tuks continually shout 'Hello' or 'Tuk-tuk' to you as they pass. On the road, size is everything. I'm sure there are official rules of the road but basically if your vehicle is larger than the one next to you then you have the right of way. I have seen three, sometimes four, people on the one motorbike. I have seen mothers and fathers on a scooter with a three year old toddler on the driver's lap. No one is wearing a helmet as the child is holding onto the handlebars. I have seen small dogs draped over the feet of people driving scooters; the dog's front paws literally an inch or two from the road. Throughout all this madness nobody looks stressed; everyone is quite relaxed and laid back. So basically when crossing the road, if you realise that the traffic is a living entity, you should come to no harm as you pass through its flowing body.

Okay, that's the traffic but pedestrians ain't out to look at traffic. The sorties I have made so far are basically following the route of the moat, which I have already stated surrounds the centre of the city. Next to places advertising Thai massage you will find 7-Eleven stores, next to bars you will encounter computer superstores, music shops, medical centres and dental surgeries. Chiang Mai is positively peppered with monasteries. I haven't visited any of them yet as I am waiting until I stop sweating profusely every time I move. I don't want to be responsible for someone slipping on my sweat. From the outside they are beautifully ornate and the golden decoration on the walls is incredibly intricate. Walking along by the moat you will encounter small shrines, incense burns as small birds pick at the food that has been left as an offering to the Lord Buddha.

Thais don't seem to be bothered with eating at home as every single one of them appears to eat at the side of the road. From the afternoon onwards various vendors set up their stalls and cook rice or noodle based dishes. As darkness descends and the heat is slightly less oppressive my senses are pleasantly aroused by the aromas of cooking, the sounds of the mysterious impenetrable Thai language and the sights of so many different foods, most of which are totally unfamiliar to me.

I did a full circuit of the moat today and I manage to pick up a lead for the laptop. Pleased with my success I stopped off at a beer garden and ordered a large bottle of Heineken. A 63cl bottle of Heineken cost 2.50 euro. Bar owners of Ireland, sort yourselves out! Every time my glass ran low the barman came over and filled it again from my bottle. Bar owners of Ireland, sort yourselves out! The pub I was in was geared towards foreigners like myself. Looking at the signs I learned that Spain was to meet Germany in the European finals. The signs said I could come to the bar and watch the match live at 2.00am. Another sign said ''Come and join 4 ladies. Get 1 scotch whisky free. Drink - Dance - Drunk. 23.00 till dawn''. As I watched wasps the size of small humming birds fly about the beer garden I was handed a menu. I smiled as I read it. For just 80 baht you could get deep fried 'sqrung roll'.

After two bottles of beer I felt like I had drank eight pints. Playing it safe I decided to retire and see if my new power lead for the laptop worked (it does). It was dark now as I returned to the hostel. The bars were only starting to come alive now. Beautiful and scantily clad Thai women beckoned me into each bar I passed. I kept walking. Passing another Wat I saw a monk in his ochre robes sweeping the ground for no apparent reason. 'Strange', I thought, 'Whores and monks side by side. Both engaged with the genetic impulse to pro-create. One abusing it, the other trying to overcome it'.

Well I had been drinking.